Circle of Life

The month of May is full of change. My Uncle Roy passed away Friday 5/15 after a long illness. He was quite a bit older then my dad. Their relationship was not close when they were young, but had grown into true brotherly relationship and a nice friendship in these past few years. My parents over time became Roy's caretaker as his health declined, it gave my dad many hours to spend with Roy and enjoy each others company. It is hard to realize that this was my dads last immediate family member, all of his parents and siblings have now passed away. Sounds so scary to me, my dad has handled it so well. As life continues we get ready to welcome a new baby, as they say when one life exits another life will enter. Baby True is due any day and we are all anxiously awaiting her arrival, but none so much as her mother! Just like her momma, True has shown she has a mind of her own, will not be rushed and she is in charge. We would expect nothing less from Kim's girl.

In our house we are getting closer to graduation day for our middle son Colton. Hard to believe this day is here already! Nineteen years ago this month we moved into this house with a 7 year old boy and brought home a beautiful newborn son. Crazy that one kid is married and that one is about to start his adult life.

It was so sad to see Colton play his last high school games and matches. He took third in state for wrestling, so exciting and then a heartbreaking loss in soccer to miss going to state playoffs.  No more wrestling or soccer to watch after all those times spent in a gym and on a field. It makes me sad that he will choose not to go on to college, he may continue his education online, but he will not play sports. Always so anxious to grow up and become adults, if I could only get him to see the value of being a student for a few more years before the responsibilities of life take over forever.

The struggle of every parent, getting your child to see the things we didn't when we were their age. I am proud of him, he is so extremely smart, so much to offer, funny, sarcastic and a real jokester. His humor makes me laugh, I love his intensity in sports. I have taken to calling him my Clark Kent, he is mild mannered in daily life, but put him on the field and Superman comes out. Everybody better watch out he brings an intensity that can be felt from the sidelines. His talent on the soccer field makes people cheer loudly.  He is choosing to do an apprenticeship, a worthy career and something he will excel at. I know it is my dream for him to go to college that I am sad to see die, not his dream for a long time now, but still makes me cry that he will not explore and develop the talents he has. Eighteen is such a hard age for me as a parent, it seems mine are no longer the child that seeks out your advice, they are the ones that think they already understand the world. Communication is a struggle at times, I miss those happy carefree days when he liked to hang out and talk to me.  I do know those days return when he gets older, but it does not make it less painful during this time of silence.  I pretend I won't cry at graduation, but I know I will be crying a lot this month and next as we face each end of high school event. Kleenex will be my best friend for the next few weeks.

My oldest Anthony and his wife Melaina  were married in September and then bought the house next door. They have been renting the house for a few years now. It makes this mom soooo happy to have them close. Their wedding was a project of love that turned out so beautiful and truly showed the love they have for each other. It was one of those moments in time that you lock in your heart to take out later and relive. I love that they like us enough to live next door to us. It is such a great investment and a wonderful time to watch them build their lives and the changes they have made to their new home. My heart is full knowing the time they spend together as siblings, it is priceless to watch them hang out together. I see that Colton looks up to Anthony and strives to be like his brother. It makes me so proud as a parent that Anthony is such a shining example to his siblings of what hard work can do for you.

My baby is 16! What! She is in drivers ed! That means I will have to let her drive on her own at some point. I should be embarrassed to say this out loud, but I can hardly let her walk anywhere by herself, how am I going to let her drive! Argh, this is the painful moments of parenthood that nobody speaks about. The times when your children exercise their independence, it weighs upon me, brings me anxiety and the loss of control of their safety. She is my baby, I know I have sheltered her, spoiled her, but her independent spirit has always shined through. She is a take charge, set her own path on fire kind of girl. Next year she will be my only child in school. How does this happen so quickly? I am not sure I am prepared.

I find myself singing the song Circle of Life from the Lion King. See Colton, all those times of suffering through Mariah watching that movie over and over have come to have real life meaning! This month and past year our family has truly experienced the full Circle, from death, to a soon to be birth, a graduation into adulthood and a marriage into a lifetime to grow and spend together.

 Life is good! Seeing the beauty in every moment is our greatest gift we can give to ourselves. Learning to live in the moment and experience all the emotions, being able to embrace the sadness so we can then feel how amazing happiness really does feel. My goals I am practicing each day.

Now pass me the Kleenex please!!