Holiday family sharing

I love the holidays, they used to be my favorite time of the year. Then I got married and found the stress that comes with them. It is so hard to spread out to see all the families, especially when one side is split and you must fit in two different parent events just for that side of the family!

You would think after 25 years of marriage it would be easier, but nope, in some ways it just keeps getting harder. Life gets busier, kids get older and start families of their own, jobs get more demanding. Finding a balance that makes everyone happy just seems to be impossible.

This holiday I have decided it is about making me happy, making sure I have the time with my children. Reminding myself that soon enough I will have to share them with other families, and trying to take the less stressful route of being in the moment with them now. I do feel bad that both of our extended families have less time with us, but I must grab this moment and enjoy it for as long as I can!

I am beyond thankful for the mom I have. My mom has made our holidays seem magical, so many small traditions she did with us as kids that we have carried over to our children. Teaching us the importance of family and Christmas. She tries to put very little pressure on us for the holidays, she might not be happy but is understanding when we can't make it on the holiday or if we don't make it to her house till late in the morning/afternoon on Christmas day. She is the first to remind us that we must share with others. She is always accommodating to all of us that have other family events we must attend. She understands that we also have family traditions that we need to honor, that we need to spend time with each other before the craziness of the family gathering is upon us. Sadly as a parent I recognize that it is no longer just about us when our children start families, it has to be about their family and traditions also. I am taking the example my mom has shown and will be happy with the time my children are willing to give to me. I hope that I will be as willing to work out the schedule to fit their families as my mom has been. Reminding myself that the holiday does not have to be celebrated on the actual day to feel the spirit of being together.

I am blessed that my oldest has chosen a girl that we adore. She is loving and accepting of all the crazy that goes on in our family. She always makes time to share with us and her family. I pray that my next two will choose as wisely in their significant others as my oldest has.

So off we go to make the rounds, try to make everyone happy, which is completely impossible. So this year it is about making my immediate family happy, enjoying my children and spending time with our extended families in the best way we can.

Hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving and a Magical Christmas and New Year!

25 Years of marriage and all that you might need to know to make it through

 

My gift to my children, nephews and nieces for our 25th year in marriage together. Seems like we are still this young couple with no idea about our future and the love that we will bring into this world.

Here are the 25 things I think are the most important to know when you enter married life. I am sure there are many more, feel free to add to the list of things I have left off!


1.       Love is a choice, it begins with that infatuation feeling and continues with you choosing to love that person through the good and bad. You can’t like someone 24 hours a day 365 days a year.  Just because you don’t like them for a day a month or a few months doesn’t mean that you don’t still love them.

 2.       Trust is an essential in every relationship. Trust your partner, be honest and faithful to each other, don’t cause reasons for your partner to distrust you. Distrust is the beginning to the end of a relationship, without trust you have doubt which then causes your happiness to unravel.

3.       Money really is an issue for everyone, good communication from the beginning is the key. Both be involved in your finances, discuss it, plan it, save it together.

4.       Pre marriage counseling is essential, nobody should enter a marriage contract without it. Counseling  addresses all those things you don’t think to bring up yourself ie: money, kids, religion. Counseling in general is never a bad thing.

5.       The wedding is not as important as the friends and family that come to celebrate your love, don’t overspend on one day the money you can use for your future life together.

6.       It is okay to argue in front of your kids, but if it is a serious fight move to another space where they will not have to be burdened with life issues at their age, there is plenty of time for them to face it later. Think before you speak, walk away from an argument and come back when you are calm.

7.       Religion is important the older we get, whether you have one, celebrate it, or don’t believe, discuss it from the beginning and honor each other in each of your beliefs. Decide how you will raise your kids and what beliefs you want to pass on to them.

8.       Children are a gift, enjoy them, remember that patience is a virtue, kindness is free, agree on the discipline that you will use as they get older.  Yelling is not the best form of parenting (take it from me, change the cycle!)

9.       Family is important, just as you love your parents, faults and all, your partner loves their parents and family members the same, be kind in what you say and do about each family. We all know the golden rule,” I can talk bad about my family but you do and the fight is on.”

10.   Create a group of family and friends you love and enjoy spending time together. These are the memories and traditions you will pass on to your children. Family is not always blood, it is the group you form that loves you the same way you love them. They come and go but will always be a part of your heart and memories. Enjoy the moments.

11.   Make sure you each have your own interest and friends, it is okay to do things on your own as well as activities together.  This is how you grow as a couple and enjoy each other for a long time.

12.   Enjoy the everyday moments. Don’t wish the time to hurry up, the older you get the quicker it goes by. Try to take in a moment every day to appreciate how blessed you are with the ones that you love.

13.   Take every moment with your child, the good, the bad and especially the ones you think you won’t survive. Tell them how special they are and that you believe in them, that you will love them forever no matter what. Give them the feeling of security that they can come to you in the good and the bad times. Before you know it they will be leaving you for their own life and you will miss every second of it. (Hard to believe when that baby is screaming, or that teen rolls their eyes, but you will, TRUST ME!) Do a better job of writing down their milestones, I thought I would never forget them but the older you get the less the memory works.

14.   Appreciate your spouse and they will appreciate you. Be kind to each other. Don’t say mean things, you can never take them back. Women remember every bad thing ever said about them, we hold them in our heart and believe it no matter what you say later. Think before you speak, again kindness is free and mean words live on long after they are spoken. Learn to forgive and let go, it will make life easier.

15.   Best advice my Momma ever gave me, I pass it on to all I love. “If you don’t like how I parented you please make sure you change it. Take the good that I did and change the things you don’t like, and do it better than I did!”

16.   Pay yourself first, then everyone else second, if you don’t pay yourself nobody else will.

17.   You do not have to keep up with everyone else. Nobody else is going to pay your bills. Live within your means or old age will not be fun.  Invest that money for your future.

18.   Sacrifice is a part of being an adult, we do it for the ones we love often, don’t be a martyr about it, accept it and move on. Volunteering is part of life, if you don’t volunteer who is going to?

19.   Life is not fair, (I tell my kids this all the time!) it never will be, don’t dwell on it make the best of what you have, live your life well with love and kindness, the rest will work out.

20.   Money (yes this again, it is a huge part of relationships) truly does not buy happiness, while it usually makes life easier it can also make it that much more complicated. Don’t live to make money, live life and let money be a portion of it.

21.   Communication, communication, communication! Talk to each other about everything, value your spouse and their opinions. Discuss it all and agree to disagree sometimes. When offering your opinion remember that it is neither right or wrong, just your view, we all see things through a different window. Make sure to look through your partners window to see their point of view too!

22.   Say “I love you” every day, multiple times a day, you never know when you might not get that chance.

23.   Don’t regret the past or your mistakes, learn from them, grow with them and change them.

24.   A home is different than a house- a home is filled with laughter, love and family. Know that kids and life in general are messy but you only have them for a very short time, don’t dwell on that part of life, you will have years to have a clean perfect house but a few short years to enjoy their childhood. (If you are that person that worries about a spotless house, I am pretty sure I am not, but things could change :)

25.   Unconditional love is the best gift you can give to your spouse, your children and most importantly yourself. Love yourself first, that will teach you how to love others. Don’t be stingy with your love, give it freely and it will be returned in the same way.

 

Most that know me know that I am obsessed with my kids. I am thankful for my husband and the life he has shared with me and the children we are raising. Here is to many more years and lessons to come!