This  is a wild and crazy time we are in. I am having a bit of PTSD and I can only imagine how many are in the same position.  And unless you have been a victim of any sort of sexual abuse I would like you to sit back and just say please prosecute every single person. It is not your right to question one word those victims say. FUCK YOU IF YOU QUESTION A CHILDS ABUSE.

I don't talk about it with anyone but my sister really, but we  have a history in our family of sexual abuse by an uncle. I didn't tell, I played it down, I wanted to be the good girl and  not be bad. I didn't want them to think I did anything wrong.  I did my best to protect my sister, it wasn't good enough, of course it wasn't, I was a child.. To put it bluntly my uncle touched me sexually starting at the age of 12 and would have done a lot more if my dog was not in my bed with me. He did it for a few years, he was a truck driver that came and stayed at our home on his travels. He stayed in the basement where my bedroom was. He was the person everybody loved, he was funny loud, made everyone laugh. No one wants to believes he did it. No that is NOT TRUE, when I finally told my parents in my 40;s they cried and did believe me. I can say there are plenty that did not and still do not. 

He was very good at keeping all of his victims quiet. He told me that if  I said anything no one would believe me, my parents wouldn't. They would hate him. My grandparents wouldn't talk to me ever again. I would never see my cousins, our family vacations would be over. He told me that everyone would hate me for breaking up our family. I believed him, our family was so close, we spent every summer vacation together, I was already a pre-teen that had low confidence. He said so many things about my body, how it was my fault, I didn't have a bra on, I was teasing him. So many other things that that I will never repeat but that replay in my head.  The things he said and used to make it okay were that he was lonely on the road, He told me it was not hurting anyone by touching. He would corner you whenever he could. The scariest was night time when he would come in to my room and sit on my bed. He only did it a few times because my dog Gretchen hated him, she was such a spicy girl, she put herself between us and she almost bit him. After that he finally stopped coming into my room, he didn't stop cornering me or making me sit on his lap any chance he could.

When I was old enough to be angry, he was moving on. I was able to avoid him. I also had a talk with my younger siblings. I told my brothers to  never leave our sister with my uncle. I should have went to my parents, but he still lived in my head with all the threats. He still assured me that everyone would hate me and I would ruin our whole family, I am forever sorry that I didn't just try and burn it to the ground then, because as I am sure you can guess he was still getting girls to sit on his lap when my sister was at that age. Luckily she was aware not that it saved her everything. 

The good thing is that my daughter never met that person, not once was she ever in his presence. My husband knows, not everything of course, I didn't want him to kill that person, he know the gist of what happened and that is enough. I can say our generation is one that is much more aware and open to talking about it with our children. I hope each generation is even more open. I  hope we can end this disgusting power, that we can heal some of the trauma that has been done.

First we must prosecute all those in power! FUCK THEM! They are disgusting and if you are protecting them you are disgusting. 

 

Life and living, not always the same thing

I can see the light. It is in the distance but so much closer than it was before. Life as always is a series of stories. The good and the bad. Sometimes it seems the bad stories are all you can see, but just underneath is the beauty of all life. It began with an overwhelming loss. It spiraled so many of us into a depth we have been climbing out of for almost 6 years now.

So many underlying events that tend to be swept away and not faced. The day a person you would give your life for comes and admits they are in trouble and need help is the epitome of joy and despair. It is also the day the rollercoaster of emotions goes off the rail. You don't know how from one day to the next you will get through it all. 

I hate that addiction is such a taboo, no one ever wants to talk about it. So many are saddled with it. The ones that function, the ones that can't and the ones that never make it out. Those of us in the fight for the life of a person we love. The person struggling to just stay alive. I know so many that have been here and are still here. We are here, living this everyday. Waiting for the other shoe to drop the terror of losing that person, or the joy that they have found some love for themselves and life. 

I can only talk from my side, the feelings and desperation as a mom I have felt. I have seen my husband cry, not something that happens. We have had the same despair, the not being able to fix it, grief that we have failed as parents, I feel this everyday. We, as I am sure all, love our kids beyond measure, want them to succeed and be their true selves. Our deepest wish  is that they know how much we will do for them, and that we will never give up. I know during this time they have each seen and felt that love.

I could go on and on about the feelings of watching someone you love go down that road that can only bring them that much closer to death. Not being able to stop it, having to deal with their anger and their sadness. Knowing deep in there is the person you love if only they can pull themselves back into this living world. I have a depth of words and thoughts, the darkest of moments when you can feel them slipping away. Those are the days you hold on and dream of all the golden moments. 

I have learned in the last six months to once again embrace the small victories. To see the joy that is coming back like the beginning of spring. The sprouting of the person that was once there and has been hidden for so long. The tools that have been developed to deal with the unfairness of this lifetime. The everyday struggle to not give in, the strength and willpower it takes to make it through each day.

The joy in the everyday moments of siblings laughing together. Brothers hanging out and talking of their everyday lives. Seeing my granddaughter laugh and tickle her aunt and uncle and especially her grandpa. Projects being started, joy in the work. These moments are the ones I hang on to like the last drop of water. Each day has become brighter even though these are the darkest days of the year. They say that mothers are only as happy as their unhappiest of children. This is a true statement. I can say today that I feel happiness that I have not seen in a very long time. 

No one may ever read this but I put this out there for myself. I will come back and revisit these words when I think life is hard. I hope someday those dark days have faded and we will need these words to remember the times and appreciate all the good that  has become of our lives. I know there is always a brightness in our deepest dark, dimly in the distance but hold on and we will get back to it. 

  

Sister, best friend, therapist

 This month we celebrate my baby sister. The one I carried around like my baby doll, who from an early age was the boss of us all. I practiced all my parenting skills on Kim and Troy before I ever thought of being a mom. 

To those who might not know Kim (hard to believe there is anyone who doesn’t know her!) let me tell you what we all know. She is the very best person you will ever meet. Her love, personality, and giving nature are bigger than words can say. If there is something that needs to be done she is the first one there, rallying us all. The gift of service and volunteerism is a treasure our parents have passed down. Kim gives this gift freely and lovingly. 

Our childhood was made up of amazing times, summers of camping and holidays with our beloved Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. It was also all the arguments, fights and normal sibling things. The one thing we always knew was that we could count on each other. Loyalty to the end, then and now. 

I am forever thankful for my sister, best friend and therapist. We have had ups and downs, the best laughter and river of tears. The last four years we have lived with a grief so deep it was hard to see the surface. Grief that felt as if we were being held under a pressing amount of blankets, suffocating. Each year a few blankets have been lifted, the surface is in sight. Everyday we talk, some days about Austin, every single day about our kids. Parenting is hard, having Kim to talk me off the ledge on days I am failing is what makes sense out of nonsense. My doctor once asked if I would like a referral for a therapist, I told her I had one, my sister. 

Kim is my childrens other mother, the first person to offer comfort, the most honest person you will ever meet (and if you don’t want the answer don’t ask her the question!). Our family is a village and so many days she is the strength. I am forever grateful for the gift of my siblings, especially my best sister friend. My wish for everyone is that they have a Kim in their lives. 

Now let’s celebrate!!

To all the fathers we love

So many Dads so little appreciation some days. Sometimes I feel dads are forgotten the rest of the year. They are so often the behind the scenes, hard working, making things happen people.  I am so grateful to love many. Especially thankful for the very best, my dad. Also for my husband who is the best dad my kids could have, and seeing my son as a dad now. Nothing is better than that.

Our dad has always been the hardest working person I know. He set a standard for work ethic. I see the same drive in my husband and kids.  Some may not know him well but he has the biggest heart and outpouring of love for everyone. Once he knows you, he hugs you so be prepared. 

Growing up with my dad he taught us so much. How to water ski (me, all my siblings, most of my cousins and many friends!), drive a boat, fish, draw, ride a bike, check the oil in my car, swim, to drive fast and my love of muscle cars. He showed us that he was willing to do most anything. Change the engine in an my car, re-fiberglass and reupholster a whole boat. Fix anything, and if he couldn’t he would find someone who could.

The most important thing he gave me are expectations on my relationship and what I wanted in a marriage. As in everything we should choose what we want from our parents examples for our own lives and leave what we don’t. If you know nothing else, let me tell you there has never been a doubt that my dad loves my mom, all of his children, and by children I mean both birth and those that are choosen, grandchildren and great grandchildren. He set an example of the love I wanted in my marriage. So many of his attributes that I love I see in Darrel. 

Dad is a prankster, I see his sense of humor in my boys. So many times he has made us laugh. One summer at Curlew he and my Uncle Duane thought it was hilarious to sink my cousin Diane and I. My Uncle Duane circled our raft in the boat while my dad was water skiing. My dad could throw the biggest rooster tail while slalom skiing. Filled our boat and we ended up swimming back. Many a summer someone would not get off the dock quick enough before dad came by and drenched them. If he and one of my uncles ask you to drive them bass fishing, just say NO! I tried one summer with him and Uncle Leroy and they caught way more trees than fish that trip, they thought it was hilarious. 

My parents have shown us what unconditional love is. They have shown us a deep faith in god, my dad was baptized into the Catholic faith after I was born. There is never a doubt how deeply he believes. Their example shines bright for so very many. Always willing to help others. 

Thank you dad for always being there, for loving us during the good and not so great times. You mean so much to us and we are forever grateful of the example you have given us to live by. 

Happy Father’s Day to all the amazing dads,especially mine,  your example shines on in all the kids that you have loved.

A Mother’s love

 Mother’s Day is this weekend, it’s always a challenge to come up with a creative gift. This year I thought I would write my mom a love note for all the gifts of love she has given us.

Have you met my mom? If not you should make it your mission. There is not another person I know that loves as big as she does. My mom and dad are the foundation we are built on. The ones that accept everyone as family.

Growing up they showed us family was first. From the beginning our camping tradition started with my moms parents and siblings and all our cousins. Each year we go to the same campground with 20-40 of our family and friends that have become family. It is what we all look forward to every summer.

As a child your mom is everything. My mom showed me strenghth in adversity, loyalty, compassion and never ending love. My parents gave us a work ethic that we each emulate in our own ways. I see it in my children everyday.

Mom showed us how to stand up to bullies. She has the kindest heart until you hurt her children. There was more than one nun that encountered my moms anger. Sister Ruth did not learn from the first time she took my mom on when I was in third grade. I was a highly emotional, cry at the drop of a hat girl. Sister Ruth threatened to make me wear a sign saying I was a cry baby, I am sure she regretted it after my mom yelled at her. I will never forget standing outside that door hearing my mom stand up for me. I always knew she would take on anyone from then on. Nine years later my sister who is left handed had Sister Ruth, again Sister Ruth brought the wrath of Darlene on herself by insisting Kim use her right hand. As I am sure you can guess Kim is still a lefty. I have never forgotten that lesson. As a parent I have found the strength when I have doubted myself to stand up for my children.

My mom leads by example. She is always volunteering, helping out, and giving freely of her time. She taught us the values we carry now and cherish. Being an introvert it was a huge struggle to put myself out to volunteer at the kids school. My mom said if you don’t do it who will? I am so glad I did it. I treasure the times I spent watching all the kids through the years.

 Mom was always making sure we knew that we were equal in her heart. She loved her parents deeply and shared that with each of us. The value of a grandparents love is above measure. I still miss all my grandparents. Being a grandparent now is more words than I  can describe, joyuous wonder in every moment. Seeing my mom with her great granddaughter is the memories you lock in your heart forever. Hearing Amaya say  to my mom “love you GiGi” is heart melting.

My love of sports is from my mom. She loves all sports, gave us each the opportunity to try out many. She drove us to sports practices, games and recitals, so many you can never count them all. She took us to sporting events when she could. I remember the Sonics games. She is always at every game of every child or grandchild she can make. There to cheer everyone on and let them know they are loved. 

My favorite life advice my mom gave me is, change what you don’t like that my parents did, and keep what you do like, and always try to do better. I say this often to my kids. My mom and dad have shown us that marriage is hard, it takes lots of hard work, and is a choice you make everyday. 

Growing up my dad worked hard and many hours to support us. My mom was known to take four kids plus some cousins on road trips, camping trips, drive in movies in the camper, or just across the mountains to stay with our grandparents. Kim and I recognize this is why we have been willing to do this so often ourselves as our kids grew up. Taking adventures in a car full of kids is more fun than you can imagine, some of the best memories made. We have laughed and possibly cried through many miles, mountains and states. Our family joke for many years was calling mom Whiplash Wilma after her speeding ticket across the mountains. 

Thank you mom for the love, memories, and best friends/siblings anyone could dream of. We may fight loudly but under it we love deeply. All because you and dad are our parents. Through life, death, tragedy, the greatest moments, and the deepest sadness you have always been the people we knew we could depend upon. 

Happy Mother’s Day to all the women that have raised children, that give all for the children they love. Especially to our mom, who puts up with all the crazy kids in her life! Celebrate with love and joy! 

My baby is having a baby!

My first born baby had a baby this week. I am so proud of you both, you are going to be amazing parents. I want you to know this is going to be the most wonderful, beautiful, hardest thing you have ever done in your life. Here are a few thoughts I would like you to remember and things I wish I had known as a new parent.

You can never, ever hold a baby too much. I don't care what anyone else says, that is not spoiling your child, they need that touch. As you hold them drink in those moments, they only last for a short time then they are off and running and no longer needing all that cuddle time.

Being a parent is the single hardest job you will ever have. It is also the best thing you will ever experience. It is by far the most rewarding thing I have ever accomplished. I hope that you will find it so too.

Enjoy every single moment, the good the bad and the stinky. You can't get them back, and the old cliche that you will miss it when it is gone is never more relevant then when you are a parent. It is hard to not wish the difficult times away, but they will be what make the joyous times worth it. You will find laughter in all those things later that you thought were so terrible. They are memories you will have for a lifetime.

You have never known a love like the one you are about to experience. It is overwhelming, and will be the best and most terrifying feelings you have ever had. Be sure to enjoy the feelings and know that you will be her whole world just as she will be yours now.

Patience is the key, hard to come by but worth the effort. When you feel your frustration building, take a step back. Regroup and then come back into the moment. Believe me when I say I wish I had followed this rule with you. You will lead by example and it is an important one.

Girls rebel with their voices, boys with actions. So when she is hitting the teen years, remember her mouth is her rebellion, though it may hurt it is all a part of growing up.

The best advice your Grandma Darlene gave me I am passing on to you: Take what you liked about our parenting skills, change the things you didn't like. Do a better job then your dad and I did, we could have done some things differently in hindsight. Saying that I also want you to know that I couldn't be more proud of each of my kids and the adults they have become.

Accept help, from others and each other (this is really a mom issue more then a dad one). Remember just because your spouse doesn't do it the exact way you like they are trying and doing the best they can. Walk away and allow them to do it sometimes. Try not to put your expectations on to them, especially during the early times, it is hard but will make life much easier. As a parent we sometimes expect ourselves to be perfect, no mistakes. That is not how life works, it is the mistakes that create the learning moments. Be kind to yourself, in showing yourself kindness you will be better able to live in the moments.

Lack of sleep and frustration are all parts of new babies. Sleep when they sleep. Don't take your frustration out on each other. Try to remember all the things you love about each other during the sleepless nights.

Say I love you all the time. I know my kids might have thought it was overboard, but the one thing I will always know is that you will never doubt how loved you are. I think it is the greatest gift. During their best and worst moments that will be in their hearts. They will fail sometimes, it is hard to let that happen but necessary. Even in failing they will have the knowledge that they are always loved.

Keep your expectations realistic for you and for the kids. It is okay to set them high, but if they are not always met and you are doing your best then that is all you need. Try not to worry what others think, you are most important and doing what is best for you and your kids is the one thing you have control over.

Just know there are always parenting rules that change. The best rule is common sense, you both have it so I am not worried. Follow your heart and instincts.It is scary to be that decision maker for these tiny people but it is also so exciting to watch that tiny person grow.

Beyond it all just take in each and every small thing. Document everything you can! I thought I would always remember but that is not always true. Enjoy the love and the new beginnings your family is experiencing. It is going to be the most exciting time of your lives!

Your dad and I are so happy to be Grandparents and watch you become parents. I love you all more then I can ever say. Welcome to our loving, fun, but sometimes crazy family Amaya!

Year of first - Bubba

This is a year of first for our family, the very worst kind and then the very best kind. Every family gathering is a reminder that we are missing one of our pieces. Our Bub is no longer with us in life but never away from our hearts. We miss him more then we could ever express in words. We will also be blessed to welcome a new baby in November, so close to our Bubba’s birthday. We know it will be a girl Amaya Davis. We will welcome the joy and happiness Amaya will bring to soothe us during these days that are so discolored.

Slowly we each are working through the grief.  There are many different levels of grief to process. The anger level is terrible. I know everything is a first. It is beyond painful to me, knowing this means it is so much more for Bubba’s parents. I see the pain each time I look into their eyes. You think you know what soul wrenching sadness is, but I can tell you I had no clue until we lost a child of our hearts. I thought I could sympathize with others that have lost children, but until you are that person you can never know the depths of that sadness that permeates every part of your life.

I try not to hate (such a strong word but during grief it seems to fit) those that continue to cheat death while not living up to their potential. I know we each have to make our own choices in life. Never more than in this situation does the saying “Life is not fair” apply.  Each new memory we create that does not include Bubba hurts but is also a little salve to our souls. Knowing that life does go on DOES NOT make it better. Being able to talk about Bubba even if I cry the whole time is what makes it less painful. I want to be able to talk and remember all the good things he brought to us.

Every holiday and family vacation hurts my family. People might not know our family dynamics, we think of each of the kids in our family as our own. When they say it takes a village to raise kids we take this literally. Bubba in name was my nephew but in my heart and that of all my siblings he was equal to our own child. Losing him is like losing a piece of my heart that will never come back.

We are all so intertwined with all our memories. Our time will now always be the before and after Bubba memories. I hope that each time it will be less painful, but I can tell you just from our annual Curlew trip not yet. We are making new memories but I don’t want the old ones to leave. I want to be able to talk about Bubba, laugh about all the funny things he did. I don’t want his laughter to ever leave.

I understand that it is painful for my brother to be with us. We spend all of our time together; this just brings on the sadness of losing Bubba. I think there are so many great things about being a close knit family, we love so deeply. Yet that same love and closeness also brings the pain of loss each time we are together.

I hope that after our year of firsts we can reclaim our family happiness and be together. Sometimes time apart is not a bad thing, we each have to heal in our own unique way. I just pray that we can make it through with our hearts patched. Mine will always have that Bubba spot that is slightly painful but full of love and his laughter.  

Another Gaurdian Angel among us

She was married at 20 to my Uncle Leroy, they raised seven children and helped raise many others along the way. A shining example of love and marriage, 69 years of marriage this year. These photos show the love and devotion they have always shown our family.

Today my Aunt Leona passed away, she went into the hospital Thursday night with a brain bleed, they thought it would be 24 hours but being her normal get her way person she lasted until the moment they were going to move her home. I know she was still listening and wanted so badly to talk to us while in the hospital. She was so tiny but had the biggest personality of anyone I know. She was feisty and never met a stranger, they all were friends or on their way to becoming her friend even if they didn't know it.


I love the story my mom tells, Aunt Leona being the oldest sibling ran away when she found out my mom was on her way, she had had enough of younger siblings and did not want another one. They were 15 years apart so of course she came back and spoiled my mom along the way. So many stories we will miss now that she is not here to tell them.

I am lucky, I was able to spend my summers with my cousins and in turn got time with each of my aunts. So many memories of my times at Aunt Leona's. My earliest memory is that I could not say her name - Leona, it was frustrating as a kid not being able to pronounce the L.


The first house I really remember is the one in Naches, we would meet for holidays there, kids running everywhere, wheelbarrows of kids dumped in leaves. Walking to the park in huge groups. My summertime spent with Cherie, the discovery of the bookmobile. For a girl who loves to read the library on wheels was such a joy! Homemade ice cream on the back porch, all the kids taking turns turning the churn, helping to pit the cherries. Uncle Leroy's gardens always so beautiful.


My teen years they lived in Kennewick. I spent many a night in that backyard, roaming the neighborhoods with Cherie swimming whenever we could. I remember it being the weekend and Uncle Leroy loading us all up and heading to the swap meet, so much fun!


Easters spent at our house with all the cousins, and of course 2p and it was time for you to go, Uncle Leroy needed to water the garden you know!


Summers vacations at all the different spots, the Potholes, Fish Lake, and of course Curlew. My memory will always be of  her sitting in a lawn chair, her cigarette pouch in her hand. Running past her and her whipping that shoe off to smack our butts on the way by for being obnoxious or trying to get out of our night for dishes. In the 80's the shoe of choice was Dr. Scholl's, if you don't know what those are they are the wooden sole flip flops and they hurt if she caught you with them! I was happy when the soft soled shoes came back in. Hours upon hours sitting in her Caveman camper reading all the different comic books as a kid, romance novels as a teen. One of the many summer storms that came while camping at the Potholes and the tent came down on all of us kids. Aunt Leona dividing us and sending us off to a camper to get dry and warm.

For some reason people think bossy woman is a bad title, in this family full of bossy women she was the Queen, which is a coveted title. We have been known to give out a crown for it on our Curlew vacations. If she wanted it done she made it happen, not many would tell her no when she asked you to do something. Her home was always open, she invited everyone in and made them feel as if they were family. No surer sign of that then the presence of people that came through her hospital room to say their goodbyes. At least 50 family members not to mention her friends and church family. She was well loved.


My Uncle Leroy was given a diagnosis of a short time to live recently, I know my Aunt Leona did not want to be left here with out him, and in her usual flair she went on ahead and will prepare the way for him to join her. She was always taking care of people, even in death I believe.


I have lost some uncles but she is my first aunt to pass away. My Uncle Leroy has lost his partner of 69 plus years, my mom and her siblings have lost a sister, my cousins have lost their mom and grandma, her loss will be felt deeply for a long time. She has left a legacy of children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and so many others that have loved her.


Our grand family started with my grandparents and their love has been continued on in each of their children. They will be happy to see their oldest child when she joins them. We will be lucky to have one more angel to look over us. She will take bossy guardian angel to a whole new level so we all better be on our toes!


Godspeed and give Grandma and Grandpa a hug for us.

This old piano

I know you my children and husband don't love my beat up old piano. Yes, she has seen better days, but she is still beautiful to me.

This piano is a living memory of generations that have come and gone. She has been played by your Great Grandma, your Great Aunt's, your Grandma, your Mom and your Aunts and Uncles and many cousins along the way. The places this piano has lived are many different homes. It has been the center of all, or hidden in a corner. If only she could tell us all the family holidays that revolved around her.


You only need to open her bench to see the music from generations past, all the way back to the 1930's. I love that I get to see the music my Grandma, my Aunts and my Mom loved and played.. In that bench are the work books that I did as a child during my lessons. When I was little this piano lived at the farm with my grandparents, the last home my mom shared with her parents. I loved that farm, the joy of going, the fun to be had, and hearing my grandma play that piano. When my grandparents sold the farm the piano came home to Lynnwood to live with us in the last home that I shared with my parents. My grandma would still play that piano when she came to stay with us. I spent hours of my childhood practicing at that piano. No TV or play till my practice and homework were done. I didn't love it like some, didn't appreciate it as much as I should have, but as and adult I know the value of it.


She has been mistreated, her keys are broken from a hundred hot wheel cars driving over them. Things have been spilled on her and in her. I know for a fact my siblings have hidden on top, behind and even tried to hide inside it at one time or another. Every little kid that came to our house loved to run their fingers over the keys to hear the sounds she would make. Still she stands straight and true, no longer with the beautiful sounds she is capable of. I know she is worth nothing in value, but in memories of love and generations of people she is invaluable to me. I don't ask that you keep her when I am gone, I just want you to know that is why I keep her while I am here. I hope that you find something in life that brings you the joy of these type memories to hold as you get older.


So for now my beautifully ugly piano will stay. I thank her for the memories that she holds for me. I cherish her as I can still see my Grandma Grace sitting on her bench. I am a person that loves things from generations, I like to think of all that have come before me that have acquired joy from those things. I know they are flawed, and so am I. Nothing is perfect and everything new becomes old at some point.


So my dearest children and husband if you don't like her just don't look at her!


Love your wife and mom!

EMPATHY

Empathy, the definition: the feeling that you understand and share another person's experiences and emotions : the ability to share someone else's feelings.


This is our issue in America, it is an epidemic in our children that we are failing at an unimaginable rate. Do you wonder why we are having issues with our children shooting each other at the very places that they gather to learn and that should create fellowship and friendship among them? Why they feel no remorse at killing their peers? I think of it often since the Columbine shooting.


I am not even going to go into the gun issue, yes we have a problem, I am not opposed to rules but without addressing the real issues in society it is not going to help. The law abiding citizens are not the people killing others, it is the emotionally and mentally challenged that are. Why don't we address our very poor mental health system?


Even more importantly why don't we address our generation of children that are lacking empathy for others? They are a generation lost, with no clear lines on who they answer to for their actions. Whether you believe in God, a higher power or don't believe at all, there still must be somebody whom these children FEEL that is owed their respect and love. Lack of feelings for others is the mess we are leaving for this generation. It is just getting worse with the social media available and the lack of control parents have over this. It is easy to be mean to somebody from your bedroom where no one can see your ugly nature. To not care that you make someone feel bad, with out real life interaction you don't have to feel their pain. It is easy for children to hide their pain from parents, to feel helpless, unloved, locked away with no parental interaction. We abuse our weakest society the most, children and elderly. They have so much to give, if we could only get them together.

Circle of Life

The month of May is full of change. My Uncle Roy passed away Friday 5/15 after a long illness. He was quite a bit older then my dad. Their relationship was not close when they were young, but had grown into true brotherly relationship and a nice friendship in these past few years. My parents over time became Roy's caretaker as his health declined, it gave my dad many hours to spend with Roy and enjoy each others company. It is hard to realize that this was my dads last immediate family member, all of his parents and siblings have now passed away. Sounds so scary to me, my dad has handled it so well. As life continues we get ready to welcome a new baby, as they say when one life exits another life will enter. Baby True is due any day and we are all anxiously awaiting her arrival, but none so much as her mother! Just like her momma, True has shown she has a mind of her own, will not be rushed and she is in charge. We would expect nothing less from Kim's girl.

In our house we are getting closer to graduation day for our middle son Colton. Hard to believe this day is here already! Nineteen years ago this month we moved into this house with a 7 year old boy and brought home a beautiful newborn son. Crazy that one kid is married and that one is about to start his adult life.

It was so sad to see Colton play his last high school games and matches. He took third in state for wrestling, so exciting and then a heartbreaking loss in soccer to miss going to state playoffs.  No more wrestling or soccer to watch after all those times spent in a gym and on a field. It makes me sad that he will choose not to go on to college, he may continue his education online, but he will not play sports. Always so anxious to grow up and become adults, if I could only get him to see the value of being a student for a few more years before the responsibilities of life take over forever.

The struggle of every parent, getting your child to see the things we didn't when we were their age. I am proud of him, he is so extremely smart, so much to offer, funny, sarcastic and a real jokester. His humor makes me laugh, I love his intensity in sports. I have taken to calling him my Clark Kent, he is mild mannered in daily life, but put him on the field and Superman comes out. Everybody better watch out he brings an intensity that can be felt from the sidelines. His talent on the soccer field makes people cheer loudly.  He is choosing to do an apprenticeship, a worthy career and something he will excel at. I know it is my dream for him to go to college that I am sad to see die, not his dream for a long time now, but still makes me cry that he will not explore and develop the talents he has. Eighteen is such a hard age for me as a parent, it seems mine are no longer the child that seeks out your advice, they are the ones that think they already understand the world. Communication is a struggle at times, I miss those happy carefree days when he liked to hang out and talk to me.  I do know those days return when he gets older, but it does not make it less painful during this time of silence.  I pretend I won't cry at graduation, but I know I will be crying a lot this month and next as we face each end of high school event. Kleenex will be my best friend for the next few weeks.

My oldest Anthony and his wife Melaina  were married in September and then bought the house next door. They have been renting the house for a few years now. It makes this mom soooo happy to have them close. Their wedding was a project of love that turned out so beautiful and truly showed the love they have for each other. It was one of those moments in time that you lock in your heart to take out later and relive. I love that they like us enough to live next door to us. It is such a great investment and a wonderful time to watch them build their lives and the changes they have made to their new home. My heart is full knowing the time they spend together as siblings, it is priceless to watch them hang out together. I see that Colton looks up to Anthony and strives to be like his brother. It makes me so proud as a parent that Anthony is such a shining example to his siblings of what hard work can do for you.

My baby is 16! What! She is in drivers ed! That means I will have to let her drive on her own at some point. I should be embarrassed to say this out loud, but I can hardly let her walk anywhere by herself, how am I going to let her drive! Argh, this is the painful moments of parenthood that nobody speaks about. The times when your children exercise their independence, it weighs upon me, brings me anxiety and the loss of control of their safety. She is my baby, I know I have sheltered her, spoiled her, but her independent spirit has always shined through. She is a take charge, set her own path on fire kind of girl. Next year she will be my only child in school. How does this happen so quickly? I am not sure I am prepared.

I find myself singing the song Circle of Life from the Lion King. See Colton, all those times of suffering through Mariah watching that movie over and over have come to have real life meaning! This month and past year our family has truly experienced the full Circle, from death, to a soon to be birth, a graduation into adulthood and a marriage into a lifetime to grow and spend together.

 Life is good! Seeing the beauty in every moment is our greatest gift we can give to ourselves. Learning to live in the moment and experience all the emotions, being able to embrace the sadness so we can then feel how amazing happiness really does feel. My goals I am practicing each day.

Now pass me the Kleenex please!!

Proud Parent Moments

Every once in a while one of those proud parent moments hit, and I realize I am doing a good job as a parent. If you are a parent you know the doubts that are there everyday, wondering if you are doing things right and hoping your kids are going to turn out to be functional, loving, and caring adults. It is always a work in progress and never easy, or a sure thing. There are days I am sure that I have screwed them up completely, and then there are days like the ones below where I know they are going to be as amazing as I already think they are.

My first one recently was my oldest Anthony. Anthony came to his dad and I, he and told us his plans for asking his beautiful girlfriend to marry him. He planned it all out as a surprise for her, he bought the ring, planned the night, asked her parents permission. On their 6 year anniversary he took her to their special place and proposed. My heart is bursting with the love and pride I feel for both these kids. So happy that Melaina will be an official member of our small family, I already call her my daughter-in-law so this will just be making it legal. They are on their way to a beautiful life together and I could not be happier to be a part of their journey. They are both such amazing people and they are setting great examples for his siblings.

 

Next one is one of those proud parent moments that also comes with a teaching moment. My middle son Colton stood up for his sister against someone that was saying things they should not have been. We were at a wrestling tournament with many schools. It just happened that a boy was saying some inappropriate things about Mariah while sitting in the same section as Colton and his team. I am not completely sure on what really went down. What I do know is this, Colton confronted the kid, words were exchanged and the other boy said things he probably should not have. They ended up having to wrestle each other in a match. Unfortunate for the other boy, in the fact that Colton clearly not only won the match, but showed the boy a reason why you don't talk about another wrestlers sister. Sadly Colton lost his temper and was disqualified for talking some smack to the kid. It is a hard lesson to learn, when it is appropriate to say things and when to keep our mouths shut. I know a lot of adults that are still struggling with this lesson, sometimes myself included. Luckily for Colton his coach is awesome and knows how to handle him and speak to him in a way he understands. A hard lesson to learn, to lose a match, but an amazing thing for a brother to do. He had to apologize to his team for losing the match, not an easy thing to humble yourself in front of your peers. He shows me everyday what a caring and loving person he is becoming. I know I can depend on him to watch over his sister, she is a lucky girl to have brothers that will stand up for her.

Finally Mariah, she has been playing two sports right now, one is club soccer and the other is for her middle school volleyball team. She is such a hard worker. During a weekend of soccer she sustained a concussion.  That was a tough one for her. It put her on the bench for both soccer and volleyball and changed her school work and how she was able to do things for a couple weeks. She was a good patient, she is my rule follower, so she did all the things the doctor told her she should do. Once she was healed and released to play again she put her heart back into it. She was so self aware and if she felt that she could not do something, she benched herself to make sure she was not experiencing any other symptoms. Before the concussion she was a starter for the school volleyball team, she played all the way around and did a great job. After her concussion she found that she lost her starting position. She was very upset about this. She went to the coach and asked him about it. He just laughed and said she needed to work harder and he would see about her playtime. She went to practice, put in her time and hard work and was given a little more play time. She was not happy. We discussed it, I told her she would have to speak with the coach again. We are both such non-confrontational people that I felt anxiety just telling her she needed to do this.  Mariah was nervous, did not want to have to discuss it again. She was on the verge of tears but stood up strong and went to her coach to discuss the issue with him. He listened to her. She did a great job expressing herself. She did not cry, which I am so extremely proud of her for, if it was me I would have cried through the whole conversation. Although it may not have changed anything, she did it. She stood up for herself, said what was on her mind and handled herself so well. I am so proud of her and her ability to overcome her anxiety and fear. I still struggle with this as an adult. She is on her way to being a strong woman that will be able to stand up for herself and speak her mind and I could not be more happy about it.

Today I am happy with my parenting skills, looking back on these moments lets me know that my kids are on their way to being adults that can take care of themselves and their family and friends. I know they have learned the meaning of love, family and self esteem. They continue to amaze me and fill my heart with joy. I am so happy to have these moments to lift me up when I face those other moments of doubt and guilt that we face as parents. Sometimes I feel like the doubt out weighs the truth, I keep these as a reminder. I might never be the perfect parent but I will always be the joyful parent that is proud beyond measure of the people my kids are becoming.

Happy 2014, cannot wait to see what this new year will bring us all!

Holiday family sharing

I love the holidays, they used to be my favorite time of the year. Then I got married and found the stress that comes with them. It is so hard to spread out to see all the families, especially when one side is split and you must fit in two different parent events just for that side of the family!

You would think after 25 years of marriage it would be easier, but nope, in some ways it just keeps getting harder. Life gets busier, kids get older and start families of their own, jobs get more demanding. Finding a balance that makes everyone happy just seems to be impossible.

This holiday I have decided it is about making me happy, making sure I have the time with my children. Reminding myself that soon enough I will have to share them with other families, and trying to take the less stressful route of being in the moment with them now. I do feel bad that both of our extended families have less time with us, but I must grab this moment and enjoy it for as long as I can!

I am beyond thankful for the mom I have. My mom has made our holidays seem magical, so many small traditions she did with us as kids that we have carried over to our children. Teaching us the importance of family and Christmas. She tries to put very little pressure on us for the holidays, she might not be happy but is understanding when we can't make it on the holiday or if we don't make it to her house till late in the morning/afternoon on Christmas day. She is the first to remind us that we must share with others. She is always accommodating to all of us that have other family events we must attend. She understands that we also have family traditions that we need to honor, that we need to spend time with each other before the craziness of the family gathering is upon us. Sadly as a parent I recognize that it is no longer just about us when our children start families, it has to be about their family and traditions also. I am taking the example my mom has shown and will be happy with the time my children are willing to give to me. I hope that I will be as willing to work out the schedule to fit their families as my mom has been. Reminding myself that the holiday does not have to be celebrated on the actual day to feel the spirit of being together.

I am blessed that my oldest has chosen a girl that we adore. She is loving and accepting of all the crazy that goes on in our family. She always makes time to share with us and her family. I pray that my next two will choose as wisely in their significant others as my oldest has.

So off we go to make the rounds, try to make everyone happy, which is completely impossible. So this year it is about making my immediate family happy, enjoying my children and spending time with our extended families in the best way we can.

Hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving and a Magical Christmas and New Year!

25 Years of marriage and all that you might need to know to make it through

 

My gift to my children, nephews and nieces for our 25th year in marriage together. Seems like we are still this young couple with no idea about our future and the love that we will bring into this world.

Here are the 25 things I think are the most important to know when you enter married life. I am sure there are many more, feel free to add to the list of things I have left off!


1.       Love is a choice, it begins with that infatuation feeling and continues with you choosing to love that person through the good and bad. You can’t like someone 24 hours a day 365 days a year.  Just because you don’t like them for a day a month or a few months doesn’t mean that you don’t still love them.

 2.       Trust is an essential in every relationship. Trust your partner, be honest and faithful to each other, don’t cause reasons for your partner to distrust you. Distrust is the beginning to the end of a relationship, without trust you have doubt which then causes your happiness to unravel.

3.       Money really is an issue for everyone, good communication from the beginning is the key. Both be involved in your finances, discuss it, plan it, save it together.

4.       Pre marriage counseling is essential, nobody should enter a marriage contract without it. Counseling  addresses all those things you don’t think to bring up yourself ie: money, kids, religion. Counseling in general is never a bad thing.

5.       The wedding is not as important as the friends and family that come to celebrate your love, don’t overspend on one day the money you can use for your future life together.

6.       It is okay to argue in front of your kids, but if it is a serious fight move to another space where they will not have to be burdened with life issues at their age, there is plenty of time for them to face it later. Think before you speak, walk away from an argument and come back when you are calm.

7.       Religion is important the older we get, whether you have one, celebrate it, or don’t believe, discuss it from the beginning and honor each other in each of your beliefs. Decide how you will raise your kids and what beliefs you want to pass on to them.

8.       Children are a gift, enjoy them, remember that patience is a virtue, kindness is free, agree on the discipline that you will use as they get older.  Yelling is not the best form of parenting (take it from me, change the cycle!)

9.       Family is important, just as you love your parents, faults and all, your partner loves their parents and family members the same, be kind in what you say and do about each family. We all know the golden rule,” I can talk bad about my family but you do and the fight is on.”

10.   Create a group of family and friends you love and enjoy spending time together. These are the memories and traditions you will pass on to your children. Family is not always blood, it is the group you form that loves you the same way you love them. They come and go but will always be a part of your heart and memories. Enjoy the moments.

11.   Make sure you each have your own interest and friends, it is okay to do things on your own as well as activities together.  This is how you grow as a couple and enjoy each other for a long time.

12.   Enjoy the everyday moments. Don’t wish the time to hurry up, the older you get the quicker it goes by. Try to take in a moment every day to appreciate how blessed you are with the ones that you love.

13.   Take every moment with your child, the good, the bad and especially the ones you think you won’t survive. Tell them how special they are and that you believe in them, that you will love them forever no matter what. Give them the feeling of security that they can come to you in the good and the bad times. Before you know it they will be leaving you for their own life and you will miss every second of it. (Hard to believe when that baby is screaming, or that teen rolls their eyes, but you will, TRUST ME!) Do a better job of writing down their milestones, I thought I would never forget them but the older you get the less the memory works.

14.   Appreciate your spouse and they will appreciate you. Be kind to each other. Don’t say mean things, you can never take them back. Women remember every bad thing ever said about them, we hold them in our heart and believe it no matter what you say later. Think before you speak, again kindness is free and mean words live on long after they are spoken. Learn to forgive and let go, it will make life easier.

15.   Best advice my Momma ever gave me, I pass it on to all I love. “If you don’t like how I parented you please make sure you change it. Take the good that I did and change the things you don’t like, and do it better than I did!”

16.   Pay yourself first, then everyone else second, if you don’t pay yourself nobody else will.

17.   You do not have to keep up with everyone else. Nobody else is going to pay your bills. Live within your means or old age will not be fun.  Invest that money for your future.

18.   Sacrifice is a part of being an adult, we do it for the ones we love often, don’t be a martyr about it, accept it and move on. Volunteering is part of life, if you don’t volunteer who is going to?

19.   Life is not fair, (I tell my kids this all the time!) it never will be, don’t dwell on it make the best of what you have, live your life well with love and kindness, the rest will work out.

20.   Money (yes this again, it is a huge part of relationships) truly does not buy happiness, while it usually makes life easier it can also make it that much more complicated. Don’t live to make money, live life and let money be a portion of it.

21.   Communication, communication, communication! Talk to each other about everything, value your spouse and their opinions. Discuss it all and agree to disagree sometimes. When offering your opinion remember that it is neither right or wrong, just your view, we all see things through a different window. Make sure to look through your partners window to see their point of view too!

22.   Say “I love you” every day, multiple times a day, you never know when you might not get that chance.

23.   Don’t regret the past or your mistakes, learn from them, grow with them and change them.

24.   A home is different than a house- a home is filled with laughter, love and family. Know that kids and life in general are messy but you only have them for a very short time, don’t dwell on that part of life, you will have years to have a clean perfect house but a few short years to enjoy their childhood. (If you are that person that worries about a spotless house, I am pretty sure I am not, but things could change :)

25.   Unconditional love is the best gift you can give to your spouse, your children and most importantly yourself. Love yourself first, that will teach you how to love others. Don’t be stingy with your love, give it freely and it will be returned in the same way.

 

Most that know me know that I am obsessed with my kids. I am thankful for my husband and the life he has shared with me and the children we are raising. Here is to many more years and lessons to come!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Girls like boys

It is official, my baby girl is no longer a baby girl. Wahhhhhhhh! I could cry and laugh all at the same time. She has discovered that she likes boys, AND that boys like her. She will be 12 years old in just about a month.

Wow, 12 years ago seems like yesterday. I can still hear my Uncle Don as he came through the hospital door singing "They call the wind Mariah" in his beautiful voice. I tell this story all the time, but it was also bring your daughter to work day. The delivery nurse brought her 12 year old daughter to work to view Mariah's birth that day. What do you say when your legs are in stirrups and that pushing feeling is coming over you and the nurse nonchalantly says "You don't mind if my daughter watches you give birth do you?" Why yes I just might if I could concentrate on what you are saying while all my private parts hang out here for the viewing!!!!!

So a few of Mariah's friends have had a BOYFRIEND for whatever that word means at age 12. A boy that likes a girl I guess. I thought my tomboy would be the one who didn't like boys for a long time. She is the girl that wears all her brothers hand me downs like they are the best name brand clothing you can find. Teachers and her coaches have actually asked me if she ever removes the sweatshirt in the picture above. The only time you will catch this girl in a dress is for a very special occasion, Christmas, Easter, Father daughter dance. Other than that she is in clothing that she can run and jump faster and better than any boy, you just ask her.

Last week a boy she wasn't sure if she liked said the words to her. Mariah I like you! She was really surprised, she thought he might like her but she didn't know for sure. My little thinker didn't know what to say. She was speechless for that moment and then got all shy. She came home to tell me about it and that she thought she liked him to. I talked to her about how you should be nice to everyone even if you don't like the boy in the same way. You never know how you will feel about him later in life, and you never want anyone to feel badly about their feelings they have. It is a big compliment that a boy likes you and even bigger when a lot of the boys in your class like you. We had the discussion that she is 12 and cannot have a boyfriend. I have told her many times the same thing. He is a boy and your friend that you like a little more than the other boys. But that is it! No BOYFRIENDS for her for a long time. She sat and thought about it for a week on what she was going to say to this poor little boy who had poured his heart out to her.

Finally last night she got up the nerve at the skating party and told him she likes him too. It was so cute. She came right over to tell me that she had finally done it. All her friends at the party knew and the news spread like wild fire. I saw the boys mom whom I am on a friendly basis with and wondered if she knew the news flying around. I didn't say anything because of course this will pass on by as quickly as it has started. I remember this age and the quickness the likeness wears off.

Sad to see the last of the younger years leaving and the pre-teen years beginning. Lord give me strength to make it through this one. I think I am going to need it. I am afraid I might actually have to hide her away, the boys are chasing her already and we haven't made it to puberty yet. The idea of a convent is not such a bad thing some days. Or that all girls school.....

Best Dog Ever

This love story started back in the year 2ooo. We decided to get a new puppy to replace our dog that had been put down. Foolishly we thought that two black lab puppies would be better than one. Let me tell you all, DON'T DO IT!! It ended badly for one of the puppies and was a very sad time.

The other puppy Storm grew to a great old age. He was the best dog I could ever ask for. He was a babysitter, friend, helper and true love of my kids lives. Mariah was one years old when we brought him home, Colton was 4 and Anthony 11. Storm was Anthony's dog in every way, but he shared him with all of us. They grew together and loved. He was the best friend two little boys, a little girl, and all their cousins and friends could ask for. There was never a ball, stick or body of water that he would not chase or jump into. Hours upon hours of chasing a ball, sitting next to the swimming pool waiting for his kids to splash him or throw the ball he dropped in for him. Always by their side when they were home, or sitting close to the window waiting for them to come back to him.

Storm considered it his job to make sure his kids were safe, and no stranger was ever allowed with in feet of them. This was Storm's personal mission. Storm would put his body between anyone he did not know and his kids. He was a great protector, I knew my kids were always safe outside when their dog was with them. He would herd the little ones if he felt they were to close to the edge of the grass, bark if the kids left the yard and he didn't want them to.

Hard to remember the trials of the puppy days, but there were all the usual, chewed up drywall, chewed up furniture. The nights being up all night. The chasing down of a rogue puppy running the neighborhood. The dog police showing up at our house, giving us our third and final notice, if our dog escaped again someone was going to spend some time in the pokey. They let us know there are no bad dogs, just bad dog owners which I guess is very true. We have laughed about that for many years now. Food snatched from the table or counter. Now these seem such a small price to pay for the unconditional love that was given for 11 years.

We have known that the time was coming close. I have tried to prepare my children for the sad part of life.....death. It is not easy and so hard to understand. How to explain it is best that we put our dog to sleep so he does not suffer anymore. We don't do that to humans so how can I expect my daughter to understand it is okay to do to her best friend? How do I answer the questions she has. She is worried that our other dog and cat are not going to understand where Storm has gone. Worried she will forget how Storm's fur feels, the sound of his bark when she gets home. That he will no longer be lying next to her bed during the night making her feel safe.

This has been a hard week at our house. Reality has come, and today our best friend is going to sleep forever. My kids hearts are breaking and I cannot stop the pain. My daughter has cried herself to sleep every night. My oldest is brooding and quiet, spending as much time here with his friend as he can. My middle child is silent and unhappy. We have had a parade of cousins and friends that grew up with Storm coming by to spend a few minutes with him. He is loved by so many and will be missed by all. He has been my constant companion, there when the kids have left me for school, keeping me company and always making me feel safe.

Goodbye to THE BEST DOG EVER. I can't stop crying. My life once again is changing, a constant in my life is leaving us and I am going to be sad for so long. I hate that I cannot fix the pain my children are feeling, but recognize this is an important part of life. Death sucks, but we all know that we have to face it and deal with it.

Thank you Storm for your unconditional love and beauty that you have given us for 11 of the best years. We will love you and think of you often.

HAPPY / SAD

I don't really like change. I know, hard to believe! Today I am learning that change is okay. Everything has a time and the time has come now for my son to leave club soccer. It is hard to let go of that in some ways, but such a major relief in other ways.

I asked Colton if he was sad and will he miss his friends from soccer. He said not that sad and he will keep in contact through facebook with a lot of the boys. Then he said how much he will miss the weekly practice and his coach. Luckily he is starting his wrestling season and then the potential for so many other things. He will have open weekends, the first in a very long time.

I will miss seeing him practice and play competitive soccer. He is a good player, such potential that the coaches never tapped into. I will miss the friends I have made along this journey with him. The bond of our children being on the same team for multiple years. It is like letting go of a piece of me I didn't know defined me so much. I will still be a soccer mom, but now I will be a football/wrestling mom too. This is a good reminder that I am more than just the mom, I am me with so many outside interest that I have put on the back burner for this sport.

I will not miss the politics on his team, the drain on our income, or the doubts about Colton's abilities. This is really a racket someone has come up with, I tell ya. Money poured into a sport so your child can make the high school team, and then they tell you don't play high school soccer, only club if you want to be a real soccer snob. The money in this sport is crazy and crazier that we as parents fall into the trap. In the world of competitive soccer if you are not on the "A" team, then your abilities are never fully recognized, they just take your money and tell you to keep striving for the top team. I will not miss that one small bit, but will still have it while Mariah plays club soccer.

The good news is that he is very good at lots of sports and will go on to participate in them for high school. I will still be Colton's mom just not always on the soccer field. Now I will have one winter season of sitting in a gym instead of always on the soccer field.

I find it such different worlds for boys and girls and their team commitments. Boys can commit to a team and play with anybody if they are of the same ability as themselves. Girls, on the other hand, really need to bond on an emotional level with their teammates to really feel comfortable and compete together. I find it fascinating the way it works. Colton has loved his team, liked the players but never found it necessary to hang out with them after the game/practice time. The boys that attend the same school do hang out together, but the rest are just friends at practice. Mariah on the other hand, loves her team, is friends with all the girls and chooses to hang out with them outside of soccer.

Here is to a new season in life for Colton. May he find this path to be the best of choices. I know he will be happy and do well. He is looking forward to high school next year and all it has to offer. I am looking forward to one less sporting event every weekend. School sports are the best because they don't usually take up all your weekends of the year.

So that is the answer, happy to be on to a new chapter, sad to see this chapter close. It means it is one step closer to my children growing up, I am not always that prepared for this to happen.

Happy New Year

Wow, so hard to believe a whole year has passed with out my writing anything here. Life is so busy, the older the kids get the less time I have.

This year has been a whirlwind of events it seems. Both of my younger two children played soccer year round and then decided to throw in a few other sports.

Colton discovered he has a love for wrestling and is very good at it. He went to districts his first year of wrestling. He also found out he is very good as a football kicker. He played for the 8th grade team and they already told him he is better than the high school kicker and has a good chance of making varsity as a freshman next year. He is doing well with his grades, 8th grade seems to be a hard year for school work, but he is persevering and keeping a good grade average. I am excited for him to enter high school next year, I think he will really like it.

Mariah discovered there are other sports out there she does like, well I guess just one, volleyball. My awesome sister Kim and our friend Leticia coached the girls volleyball team. It was a great season, Mariah loved it. During one of our games she mixed up her sports and headed the ball over the net, which I guess is totally legal! It was so awesome, she scored on that header. I am almost as happy as her Aunt Kim that she has found a love for volleyball. She is turning into such an amazing artist, I can't wait to see where life takes her.

Our oldest son Anthony and his girlfriend Melaina turned 21 this year! Wow seems so weird to say that out loud. I can't believe my first born love is 21. He is such a fantastic kid I can't even say enough, I hope I did as good a job with his younger siblings and they turn out to be just like him. We took a trip to Las Vegas to celebrate his birthday. We had a group of just under 30. We stayed out to all ours of the night and hung out by the pool to recover during the days. It was such a great trip. Fun to go with all my family and friends.

This summer was beautiful here, we spent a lot of time out by the pool. When we were not traveling to different soccer tournaments across the state. We made it to every corner of our state this summer/fall for either soccer or camping. Thanks to my parents who did a lot of the soccer trips with me. It is fun but exhausting being gone every weekend. Next year should be a little better, Colton is giving up club soccer to play high school sports. Not only a relief in our budget but in our time away from home. It will be a huge adjustment for him to give up daily soccer, but I think he will enjoy it after he settles in. The other sports should keep him busy but still allow him to have a social life in high school.

Our yearly camping trip was fantastic as usual. The weather was hot and the lake was beautiful. The kids have the best time with all their cousins and friends. I love my family, they are the best! Even if we do spend to much time together sometimes. I love that we can fight it out with a knock down drag out match and then be hugging each other when it is all over.

I am thankful for my awesome husband, fantastic children and the best family and friends a person can ask for. I am looking forward to the new year. I can't wait to see the adventures and trials and tribulations it will bring to us all. Goodbye 2010.............HELLO 2011!!!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE, STAY SAFE AND JOYFUL!!!